How Living with Anger Can Hurt Your Happiness?
Last week, I went to a party and met a young single mother of two. While I sat very close to her, she never really spoke to me directly. I only overheard her conversations and small talk with her friends and I am sure she overheard me chatting with others too.
I’m pretty loud so you can’t really miss me. I had seen this young lady before a few other times at other gatherings. Without really knowing much about her, my intuition told me that she had this spirit about her that was very strong.
I do know a little bit about her background story. She grew up as a military brat, met the wrong guy early in life, got pregnant, the guy left her, and then she never moved out of her parents home.
It is safe to say that this girl had to grow up fast and learn a lot of lessons the hard way. As I sat there and observed her, I noticed that she had “a badassness” to her, like she was too cool to be happy or cheerful.
So of course, my cheerful spunk probably annoyed the hell out of her. I know this because I could see her facial expressions as I talked to others, like the rolling the eyes and crossing of the arms. She carried around her anger and bitterness about life like a badge of honor. And she seemed hell bent on staying that way. At least, that is the way it appeared as an observer.
The happiness coach in me wanted to hug her and tell her that while her life may have some challenges, she is so lucky to have what she has. I wanted to tell her that this anger is going to eat her alive and rob her of the wonderfulness that she could be experiencing.
Still, I said nothing, as it is not my place to give unsolicited advice just because I’m a happiness coach. Also, it probably would have come across as some “know it all adult” pushing advice down her throat. When she is clearly an independent thinker with her own ideas. Again, that is just what I observed.
I imagined what her life would be like in 50 years from now if she continued carrying this angry badge of honor. I could see her having some chronic illness that would stop her from living a full life with her children. Maybe this negative anger would have consumed her life so much that it would leave her lonely after having driven everybody she loves away. There are millions of what ifs and possibilities. I am not psychic. Still, I have seen this tragic fate happen to others in similar situations.
As an observer, I couldn’t help but feel a little bit sad and happy for this young lady. Happy, why? Deepak Chopra has an awesome book called, The Way of the Wizard: 20 Lessons for Living a Magical Life. I have mentioned it several times in some of my blogs, it is one of my favorites. It is the story about Arthur from the Sword in the Stone and a Wizard. There is one story in the book that I love, which I will summarize for you.
It is a story about Arthur getting hurt several times while the wizard just watches him with a smile and grin. After several times of this happening, Arthur explodes and yells, “You don’t think I notice that whenever something bad happens to me, you seem to be pleased.” The wizard replied, “I wasn’t rejoicing at your misfortune. I was rejoicing at your escapes. If you only knew it, these accidents of yours could have been much worse.”
“Things could be so much worse,” these words are profound. This young girl has a long life ahead of her with her children. Perhaps she has conditioned herself to create this wall of anger to protect herself. However, no matter how hard life gets, there is always something good to be thankful for. There are many ways to look at life and everybody is free to do what they choose.
We are all still growing up and nobody has life totally figured out. I wish this young women great success and happiness, how ever she decides to get there.
Final thoughts: Everybody discovers their path to happiness in different ways. Some have to suffer for a long time before they figure it out. Others jump right into it. You are never too cool to be happy and carrying anger will literally kill you eventually. Everybody has the choice to be happy or not. It is everybody’s choice, either way!
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